Beach Trip
by Dragonsong1
Summary: Nita and Kit go on mandatory vacation to an all magic users island. And guess who else is there? HOGWARTS! A lot of other characters show up along the way as well. Parody, punchlines, and villians in speedos! R&R please!
1. Default Chapter

**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, ominous pause for now...**

**A.N. This is an idea a friend and I had a long time ago, it was originally just for Harry Potter characters, but I figured, why leave out our other favorite young wizards?**

Nita and Kit dragged themselves, bruised and exhausted into Tom and Carl's house.

"Well," Kit gasped, "We've cleaned up the ocean floor along the coast, finally settled the dispute with the trees, worked on a territorial problem with some bacteria on mars..."

"Stopped Rirhait-B from blowing up, defeated the Lone Power three times..."

"And got Ms. O'Leary's cat down from a tree."

"Oh, well I guess we could get you another assignment if you want," Carl said with a gleam in his eye.

Nita and Kit slumped to the floor in a dead faint.

"Can't people take a joke anymore?" he said as Tom revived them. When they were more or less conscious again, Carl continued. "Since you two have been working so hard, we've decided to send you two on a mandatory vacation.

"Really?! Where?! The beach maybe? I LOVE THE BEACH!!! ILOVETHEBEACH ILOVETHEBEACHILOVETHEBEACHILOVETHEBEACH..." Kit yelled, running in a circle and drooling just like Ponch.

Nita talked over his ranting, "So where is it to?"

"It's a secret island only wizardry- users can go, truly a once in a lifetime experience. You can share experiences with other wizards, learn from other wizards, trade tips..." Tom continued on with his list over Kit's screaming.

"IT'S A BEACH!!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Kit started jumping around the room. "Come on Neets! Let's pack! I gotta play in the sand, uh, I mean meet other wizards and share experiences." He grinned and ran out the door.

Tom rolled his eyes, "Here's the coordinates for the island," he said, handing Nita a slip of paper. "Now go enjoy your vacation." Nita ran out of the house. By the time she caught up with him, he was at his house, feverishly throwing bathing suits, flippers, goggles, snorkeling equipment, a plastic pail, and a rubber ducky into a gym bag.

"This is going to be so cool!" both of them said at once.

"I mean, it's been years since we've been to the beach!" Nita said excitedly, though not nearly as excitedly as Kit.

"I love the beach..." Kit sighed.

Meanwhile, across the Atlantic Ocean...

Voices rang around the great hall as all the students of Hogwarts gathered in the great hall for breakfast.

"I can't believe I got an O minus!" Hermione howled as she flung herself into her seat at the table. "I studied all night for that arithmancy exam!"

"Calm down Hermione," Ron consoled her, patting her back and rolling his eyes, "Exams are tough! You probably got the best marks anyway!"

"It doesn't matter!" she cried pounding on the table, knocking over her goblet of pumpkin juice in the process, "You're so insensitive Ron! You don't care if I don't become an Auror! AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!" She ran out of the great hall.

"Sheesh," Ron muttered as he reached by Harry to grab a chicken leg, "I got a P on my History of Magic exam and you don't see me flooding the place."

"Oh give it a rest Ron, she'll get over it," Harry sighed, "She's such a perfectionist you know."

"But still, she doesn't have to..."

"Attention, Attention," Dumbledore interrupted from the staff table. "I have a very important announcement. I have been through your exam scored and have noticed they are exceptionally high. As a reward..." he paused, peering around the room, staring at the faces looking at him with rapt attention, "This weekend, as soon as I have finished the port keys, we will be having a trip to a secret beach used only by magic- users. It is the last remaining beach in the world that is completely muggle-free. Please have everything ready by 7 am on Saturday."

Later that night in the common room, Harry and Ron were telling Hermione, who was bouncing around the room cheering, "I can't believe we can go! This is wonderful, fantastic, it'll be so much fun! I can't wait, mmphum..."

As Ron clapped a hand over her mouth.

"Haven't we told you not to eat boxes of sugar mice before bed?!"

Hermione gasped, "Oh no! I just remembered! I just read this article in a muggle magazine my parents sent me, do you realize how much damage the sun's rays do?! I'm going to get skin cancer I know it! I must not get sunburned, I must not get sunburned, I must not get sunburned, I..."

"Oh great!" exclaimed Ron, "Now she'll never come"

"...not get sunburned. Sure I will Ron! I'll just bring some of my spf 90 sunblock, sun protection potions, a hat, a parasol, a turtle- neck, a poncho..."

**Hope you liked it! I've been wanting to write a humor fic for a long time! R&R please.**


	2. Meeting Hogwarts

Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Young Wizards or Harry Potter characters.**

**A.N: Finally, next chapter!**

Nita and Kit materialized on a beautiful beach, surrounded by glistening white sand and a startlingly blue ocean.

"Wow..." both said at once, staring around at them. Kit soon snapped out of his trance however and started to sprint down to the water.

"Wait a minute tiger," Nita said grabbing him by the arm, "we need to set up first."

"Ahhh, come on Neets! It's a _beach_! We haven't been swimming in ages!" protested Kit, foaming at the mouth at the sight of the inviting water. However, after a scathing look from Nita, he meekly started back up the beach. After spreading out the towels, setting up the umbrella, and spreading on sunscreen, they got up to go down to the water. Suddenly, a huge crowd of people around their age appeared around them, clutching a strange variety of items, including old socks, tin cans, and even a battered teddy bear. Even Kit stopped on his progression down the beach to stare.

"Um, hi?" Nita said hesitatingly to the crowd in front of her.

"Hey there!" a dark haired boy said with an Irish accent, stepping out of the throng. "What school are you from? I thought only Hogwarts was going to be here today."

"Um, I'm Nita and this raving lunatic is Kit." Kit stopped his straining toward the water and turned red. "We're from New York, and who're you?"

"Seamus Finnigan at your service," the boy said, giving a mock bow. "Well, we..." he didn't finish, as a white- haired bearded man shouted from the back.

"Students! This way please!"

"See you later," Seamus said, and started toward the man with the rest of the students. Kit and Nita shrugged and headed down to the water

Harry, Ron, and all the rest of the students looked around in wonder at the beautiful beach. All except Hermione, who was slathering on yet another layer of sunblock and wrapping herself in a third shawl that she'd "borrowed" from Professor Trelawney. She was actually a quite comical sight in huge sunglasses, a hat the size of a large satellite dish, a turtle neck, three shawls, sweat pants, and for some reason, rubber wading boots.

"Erm, Hermione? How are you going to swim without being exposed to the sun and all?" Ron asked.

"I'm not. I'm here to learn more about magic around the world from other wizards that are here." Hermione said matter-of-factly.

"Have you seen any other wizards here yet?" Harry questioned Hermione.

"Er, well... no, but I'm sure I will." she said defiantly.

"Actually," Seamus Finnigan said, stepping towards them, "I just saw a witch and wizard from New York." Hermione squeaked excitedly and ran off in the direction he pointed.

"I suppose we'd better follow her," Harry said glumly, and they jogged off.

"So, you having fun yet Neets?" Kit asked.

"Of course! We needed this break. Um, who's that?" What appeared to be a walking ball of clothes appeared over the dune and started talking rapidly.

"Hi! I'm Hermione, I heard there were a witch and wizard from the states here. What school do you go to? What kinds of spells do you learn there? What's your favorite class? What kind of wand do you use? Are your professors nice? Who's your headmaster? Um, why are you looking at me like that?"

**A.N: Sorry, this chapter is kind of short, but I'll try to update soon. (in announcer voice,) See what happens to our heroes in the next chapter of BEACH TRIP! heehee... cheesy I know.**


	3. Backgrounds

**Disclaimer: I own none of these characters; they either belong to Diane Duane or J.K. Rowling.**

**A.N: Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed my last chapters! It made me so (sniff) happy... ;-) Anyway... on with the story! Oh yeah, just to clear up some points, just pretend in that "alternate fantasy universe" Nita and Kit live in, there's no HP books, 'kay?**

"Erm, hi?" Nita said cautiously to the exuberant ball of apparel in front of her. "I'm Nita, and that's Kit," she said pointing to him splashing around excitedly in the waves.

"So, tell me! What school do you go to? Do you have Arithmancy there? It's my favorite class you know, what about transfiguration? Has your class progressed to rabbits ye-"

"Uh... they don't teach magic at our school."

Hermione stopped short in her rambling and stared at her. "So you're a muggle! But Dumbledore said only magic- users can come to this island?"

"Erm, muggle? What the hell is a muggle?" Nita asked, confused out of her mind. Hermione sighed and went into a lengthy explanation of Hogwarts, including many exerpts from Hogwarts, a History, portkeys, Diagon Alley, the Hogwarts Express, and anything else she could think of.

"Well... we seem to be involved in different branches of wizardry, you see, we learn everything from this and on the job experience," she said holding out the manual.

"All that from one book! Where'd you get it?"

Nita sighed, called over a highly reluctant Kit, and started to explain. An hour later, Hermione, Ron, and Harry, who had joined her earlier stared open-mouthed at the pair.

"You were right," Hermione said faintly, "That's a completely different branch of magic, and so much more complicated..." she suddenly snapped straight up, her eyes taking on a mad glint, "I've got to learn that stuff! Please please please please teach me!"

"I don't think I can, but if you want, I can use wizardry to keep the sun off you," Nita said consolingly.

"No, that's all right, I'll just keep these on," Hermione said, disappointed.

"What's this?" a malicious voice drolled behind them, "A mudblood, Potty and the weasel, some kid I don't know, and... ahh, a dainty dame."

"And who do you think you are?" Nita asked angrily.

"Draco Malfoy at your service," he replied grinning lecherously at her.

"You know this creep?" she asked the Hogwarts trio.

"Unfortunately," Harry answered.

"So Potter," Malfoy said, turning his attention away from Nita's swimsuit top, "You ever been to a beach before? My father happens to own one in Bermuda. Makes this place look like a garbage dump."

"Er... sure, loads of times," Harry retorted.

"Well then, I challenge you to a surfing contest. You _can_ surf right?"

"Well..."

"Than let's get started, shall we? You there," he said imperiously to Kit, "You will be the judge along with my minions, erm... I mean friends Crabbe and Goyle." Two heavily muscled students stepped from behind him.

"Awwwww, but I don't... eep!" Kit said as Crabbe and Goyle cracked their knuckles in unison.

Draco threw off his plush robe and stood there in all his pale scrawny glory in a bright red Speedo with a dragon across the butt. "Let's do this Potter."

**A.N: Sorry, I had to put a Speedo in there somewhere... heehee. Not that I want to see Draco in one, no, not at all...**


	4. Surfin' contest!

**Disclaimer: I'm telling you, I don't own these people! Stop twisting my arm! ;-)**

**A.N: Thanks for reviewing, you very nice people! Aaaaaand here's the next chapter where we get into the real action!**

"Errrrr..." everyone said in unison.

"Nice suit Malfoy," Ron sneered, "The red brings out your eyes beautifully."

"Red? It's not..." Malfoy cut off coloring slightly. Throwing back on his robe, he ran into a conveniently close changing tent. All the onlookers gazed around in confusion, then started giggling when they realized what had just happened. Finally, Malfoy emerged, this time in a green Speedo with "_Heir of Slytherin_" embroidered in silver across the back.

"All right," he said red-faced, "Now, let's do this." Flicking his wand, he conjured two boards in their house colors. Harry stared at his board, wondering what he had just gotten himself into. The Dursleys had never taken him to the beach, and he wasn't even a very good swimmer.

"All right then," he said, more bravely than he felt, "Let's go." The two of them ran down to the water, looking much like something from "Baywatch." No sooner had they got to the edge of the beach, however, a huge, fast moving breaker plowed both of them down. Everyone laughed as Harry got up, spitting out sand and Draco checked that his precious swimsuit hadn't lost any threads.

"Come on Dracey! Beat him!" Pansy Parkinson yelled to Malfoy. By this timea sizeablecrowd had gathered. Even Dumbledore was there, looking quite comical in floral swim trunks and with his nose white with sun screen. Someone who had thought to bring a CD player put on a Beach Boys song, and everyone settled down to watch the contest. Everyone was so intensely watching Harry and Malfoy floundering out in the water that no one but Kit noticed the strange, thin, pale, red-eyed man in black robes walking up the beach. Kit watched in amusement as the peculiar man suddenly made a break for the water and got plowed down by a wave. He started to giggle when a short, squat man with a silver hand ran to the sprawled out figure, and they both got attacked by seagulls.

Just as he was about to point out this odd sight to Nita, the strange man raised his wand, pointed it at himself, and turned his sodden robes into... (guess) a Speedo! In fact, Kit thought, It looked an awful lot like the one Draco had on. Deciding that this show was much more amusing than the surfing contest, Kit turned around and contentedly watched them as once again the tall, thin manran again towardsthe water, dove under a breaker and paddled out. Of course, yet another wave came up on him, crashing him into the sand and shoving him back towards the beach.

Kit's chuckles soon drew Nita's attention, and they both were soon absorbed in the strange pair's antics.

"You know, it's funny," Nita remarked, "It's almost like they're trying to get to Harry and Draco..."

**A.N: Hope you liked the new chappie! Please R&R! **


	5. Some Personal Revenge

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. The setting however, is completely out of my strange, crazy imagination... MWAHAHAHA! **

**A.N: Just to clarify, part of this chapter, well, most of it actually, was written completely for my somewhat vindictive pleasure. The boy mentioned is not a character in any book, so don't try looking him up. Just bear with me for a while as I exact my imaginary revenge. **

Competition was getting fierce in the Harry/Draco surfing showdown. Both took spectacular falls off the breakers and swallowed a record amount of sand. Small scuffles were breaking out on the beach as well. Neville now was sporting a black eye and Crabbe a swollen lip.

"Come on Harry!" Luna yelled.

"Kill 'im Draco!" Pansy Parkinson screamed. The girls scowled at each other and broke out in yet another fistfight.

"You know," Hermione remarked, "Draco looks a little differently proportioned than I remember."

"And how would you know that?" snapped Ron, glaring daggers at her. "You actually notice that?"

"Hmmm," Hermione said, puzzled and completely ignoring Ron.

Suddenly, both Harry and Draco were washed up on the beach, neither moving. Harry got up first, spitting out his twentieth gallon of sand saying, "How 'bout a draw Malfoy?"

"Oh, but I'm not Malfoy!" the pseudo-Draco proclaimed. "I am the one, the only, BLAKE!" He pulled a hidden zipper on his back and stepped out of the Draco costume, revealing a dark-haired sixteen-year old who used way too much hair gel.

**Me, the angry author: What are _you _doing here?**

"Number one runners like me can go anywhere they want."

**Angry author: But this is a fan _fiction_. Real people can't be in here!**

"What about you?"

**AA: Um...I'm different.**

Everyoneon the beach was now looking for the mysterious bold-print speech coming from nowhere.

**AA: Get out of my story!**

"Make me!"

**AA: Grrrrrr... **

Suddenly, a conveniently close flock of seagulls swooped down on Blake, pecking and, well, you know, on his over-inflated head. He took off down the beach, still pursued by the flock and some squirrels as well.

"Squirrels? What are squirrels doing on the beach?" Blake yelled behind him.

**AA: It's my story; I make the rules.**

The strange, speedo-clad pale man and his sidekick stopped their unfruitful attempts to get into the water and stared after him.

"It's Potter! After him!" You-know-who screamed, "Come Wormtail!" And they both took off down the beach after the ill-fated Blake.

**AA: Ha! That was satisfying... on with the story!**

At that moment, the real Malfoy emerged from the tent, tied up in beach towels yelling, "GET ME OUT OF THESE THINGS!"

"Should we help him?" Nita asked Kit.

"Nah... why don't we just leave him there?"

"Students, students!" Professor McGonagall yelled into the crowd, "Remember, this isn't only a pleasure trip. We're also here as an educational experience, so go learn something!" Grumbling, the Hogwarts students turned off their radios and fanned out on the beach.

"Hey, Kit. Why don't we go for a walk while they're... er... doing whatever they're doing." Nita suggested.

"Sure, let's go."

**A.N: I know I probably shouldn't bring my private life into my fics, but thanks for bearing with me while I tormented Blake. I really needed to vent some spleen... Anyway, who will our heroes meet in the next chapter? Find out when I update! Woo! There will be people from other books and maybe movies in the next chapter, so give me a little while to put it together. R&R please!**


	6. More people!

**Disclaimer: I own none of the characters in this fic. They all belong to Diane Duane, J.K. Rowling, Tamora Pierce, Piers Anthony, and many other authors I hope to incorporate.**

**A.N: Thanks to all my reviewers! Due to a request, Voldemort will be in the story again, maybe this chapter, I don't know. And for those who asked, Blake is an incredibly egocentric guy in track with me. If you want to see certain (magic) characters in this story, don't be afraid to tell me. If I know who they are, I'll put them in if I can. I'll try not to get too weird, but my sister's listening to Gwen Stefani in the next room, so it may not be possible. Oh well...**

Nita and Kit strolled down the beach, staring around at the, well, _interesting_ people enjoying the sun with them. There was a strange, pale couple who had on leather sashes that seemed to be holding bells fighting a minor battle with a couple zombies.

"You think we should help them?" Nita asked.

"Yeah, let's go."

They ran up the dune, but got there just as the two people finished trouncing the undead. The woman turned around and saw them. "Hello, may I help you?"

"Uh, actually we were coming to help you, but I guess you didn't need it," Kit answered, turning somewhat pink in the face.

"Oh, don't worry. My name is Sabriel, and who might you be?" Nita didn't have time to answer, because at that moment an incredibly bizarre group of people and creatures appeared on the beach. They were able to spot a couple centaurs, a mermaid, an extremely pretty nude woman, a man with goat legs and horns, a dragon, several humans, and what appeared to be a short, gnarled gnome reading some sort of huge book.

"Uhhh..." Nita and Kit said together.

"Who are all of you?" Kit asked, eyes bulging at the sight of the woman by the half-man-half-goat. He winced as Nita kicked him.

"Well," the gnome mumbled, obviously grumpy, "I'm the Magician Humphrey, and that rowdy group is Che and Cynthia centaur, Mela mermaid, Imbri's the nymph, but she used to be a Night Mare," Kit and Nita looked at each other, bewildered, "That's Forrest Faun by her, Stanley the steam dragon, King Dor, Queen Irene, Princess Ivy, and Grey Murphy. We all are from Xanth."

"Well...uh... I'm sorry, but I've never heard of Xanth before." Nita said hesitantly.

"Ah, you must be Mundanes." Humphrey said, matter of factly.

Kit tore his eyes away from Imbri and asked, "We're what?"

"Mundanes, people living outside of Xanth in a dreadfully dreary place called Mundania who don't have magic."

"Well you must be mistaken there, because we live outside of Xanth, but we can use wizardry!" Nita said, somewhat insulted.

"Hmm, curious... I must look in my book," and at that, he was once again immersed in his tome.

"So, what's your talent?" The somewhat intimidating King Dor asked them, causing Nita and Kit to exchange their thirtieth confused look. Noting this he continued, "You know, like I can talk to inanimate objects."

The sand at their feet suddenly piped up, "Who you calling inanimate?"

Nita and Kit jumped, and Nita started once again on a lengthy explanation of wizardry. Rolling his eyes, Kit turned to ogle at Imbri.

"Excuse us, but we asked you who you are," Sabriel interjected into the confusion.

Kit tore his eyes away from the nymph and answered intelligently, "Huh?"

"You know," she said, somewhat put-off, "your _names_?"

"Oh, sorry. I'm Kit and that's Nita, the motormouth over there." Unfortunately for him, Nita had just finished her explanation and heard. By the time she finished pummeling him, yet another group had arrived.

"Whoa," a dark-haired green-eyed young man in armor said, "They told us we were going to put us on our next assignment!"

"Oh, you got sent on a mandatory vacation too!" Nita interjected, "Nice to meet you!"

They group of knights turned around at the sound, hands going to swords.

"Meep! No need for that!" she said stepping back.

"Sorry, we're just a little jumpy. So, where are we? The name's Nealan by the way."

"Hi." Nita and Kit said together.

"We're from Tortall. You? I don't seem to recognize your apparel from anywhere," another knight said from the group.

"Oh, we're from Manhattan!" Nita answered. The band of knights looked at each other in confusion. "You know, New York?"

"Hmm, sorry, but we've never heard of it. So, how's the battles with the immortals going in your country?" Nealan asked.

"Immortals?" Kit said, confused, "You mean like the Lone Power?" Now it was the knights' turn to be confused.

"No, I mean like killer centaurs, unicorns, things like that."

"Well, you may want to talk to them." Nita said, pointing to the Xanthan group. "They seem to have things like that where they're from."

"Thanks!" They all said and started jostling into position to talk to Imbri.

"Let's go walk some more," Kit said, "It's getting to be a zoo here."

They hadn't gotten far when they encountered a troup of dancing, singing boys and young men dressed in old-fashioned clothes and cabbie hats.

**Obsessed Author: Ohmigosh! Newsies!**

Nita and Kit both groaned when they heard the bold print voice again. It always preceded something incredibly bizarre.

**OA: Wait... This is a magic only beach.**

A Newsie in a black cowboy hat and red bandanna stepped forward and retorted, "How do yas think wes can come up wit dees incred'bly choreographed routines off da top of our heads, singin'all da while in poifect chorus?"

**OA: Ah... that _does_ explain some things! Carry on. **Author spots Kid Blink, a very, very, cute, crazy, sweet Newsie in a beige eye patch. **BLINK! **OA somehow jumps into story and chases Blink down the beach.

"Uh... what the hell was that all about?" a Newsie called Bumlets called out. Nita and Kit looked at each other and shrugged.

"Well, I guess we should get going," Kit said, uneasy about having all these guys around.

"Ah, come on!" a short, Italian Newsie exclaimed, "Let's talk fo a while! Da name's Racetrack Higgins, by da way."

**A.N: And there's the next chappie! (finally) Sorry that some of the characters were a little obscure, but you can just smile and nod, pretending you know what the bleep I'm talking about. The Newsies will still be there next chapter, some more real people and many more fictional. I'll try to update soon. R&R please!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own YW, the newsies, HP, Daine, or my friends who will be in this chappie.**

**Warning: Part of this chapter is for the gratification of my friends from school. They will be appearing with their respective Newsies. The real story continues some paragraphs later.**

**Notes: Sorry this took so long, I was on a trip for a while and I just haven't had time to write lately. Please forgive me!**

**Shoutouts! To...**

**Elven Kagome: I don't know a lot of the things you requested, but I'll put in Daine! She's in this chapter. Toodles!**

**Sapphire Sprite: Sorry... I didn't mean to take so long; I just got really busy.**

**FluffytheDerangedElf: shrieks Someone who knows about Newsies!**

**bbllgirl4ever: Sorry, I can't remember what I was going to say to you, my mom made me get off the computer before I could write it down. **

**Sage: (heehee, used your newsie name) Thanx for reviewing! You'll be in here! **

**My friends: Emilyanne, Erin, Ellen, Amber, Lora, Jewell, Beckett, Christin, and Gypsie; y'all are going to be in here, so look out. laughs evilly**

**Anyone else who requested stuff: I'll try to work your characters in, but I didn't know a lot of them... heh..**

**Two Rivers Goldeneyes: Erm... you're looking _way_ too far into the story I respect other people's opinions, but I think you're thinking a bit out of context. This isn't a UN resolution you know. :)Thoughts I had reading your review: Yes, I am somewhat hyperactive and enthusiastic. Nita was using a hyperbole when she said it had been years since they'd been to the beach, you know, _exaggerating_. And about the over-enthusiastic-ness of the characters; this is a comedy. The characters are exaggerated on purpose. The stuff about the sunscreen was interesting but this is a fiction! Repeat after me... It's. Not. Really. Happening. I put Hermione's obsession about UV rays in there to make it funny! Anyway, in my opinion you should just stay away from comedic stories; you take them way too seriously. **

**shruiken15: sighs I'm sorry you feel that way... you're the second person I've had to explain this to. com/e/dy _(kom'i de)n., pl -dies. 1. a play, movie, etc., of light and humorous character with a happy or cheerful ending. _There's more to the def, but well, you get the point. If I'd made Hermione like that as an accident, I would thank you for the correction, but I did that on purpose. I completely respect your opinion, but as I said to TRG above, it was to make the story more funny. **

**Yeah, a lot of shoutouts... here's the chappie (finally, I know)**

By the time our deranged author had gotten back to the original spot on the beach, Nita and Kit had been sucked into a rowdy game of poker.

"Four queens! Read 'em an' weep!" Racetrack crowed, laying down his cards.

"Hey, you cheated! I've got a queen too!" Kit shot back, indignant.

"So?" Race responded, raking in his winnings and dealing out more cards. "Ante up!" Suddenly, a slavering pack of Hogwarts girls appeared over the sand dune.

"Omigod! Newsies!" they screeched and ran into the throng of confused newsboys, smothering their favorites with affection. Several grouped around a tall brown-haired newsie wearing pink longjohns under his pants and suspenders. They never got their chance to embrace him however, because a teenage girl with her brown hair pulled into a half-ponytail appeared between them.

"What the..." she said, startled looking around wildly. "Skittery!" she exclaimed, ecstatic. Then she noticed the other girls stalking her boyfriend and attacked them wildly, punching, kicking, and gouging out eyeballs.

Ten minutes later the sand dunes were covered with unconscious newsie fangirls.

"Emilyanne! What're you doing here?" Ashley asked, surprised.

"My Skittery needed me!" she responded, half strangling him with love and affection. By this time, many other modern-day girls had appeared on the beach. Amber pounced on Racetrack, who looked somewhat annoyed at having his poker game interrupted, Lora sidled over to Snitch, Gypsie and Christin fought over Jack who looked on in amusement, Erin embraced David, Beckett admired the muscular Mush, and Ellen jumped at Crutchy, knocking his crutch out from under him, while Nita and Kit observed these strange occurrences with confusion.

Jewel looked around in disappointment. "Where's Ironsides?" she asked the air plaintively, and of course an extremely muscular, body-builder style blacksmith appeared beside her. She squeaked and began to smother him with affection.

"Well," Kit said, clearing his throat as he stood up from the scattered poker game, "I guess we should be going!"

"Ahhh... are you sure?" Nita asked, widening her eyes and looking at him beggingly.

"But we're supposed to be learning stuff, right?"

"But I just learned seven card draw!" Just then, she looked over and saw the pandemonium behind her. "Then again, maybe it _is_ time to leave." Cautiously, the pair sidled away from the group and walked back up the beach and caught up with the Hogwarts crowd. A large bunch of people, including Harry, Ron, and Hermione were gathered around an older woman.

"And that's what cats really want," she was finishing, as she stroked Crookshanks. "Oh, hello. I don't believe I've met you," the woman said to Nita and Kit as they joined the group. "I'm Daine, a wild mage."

"Uh... hi! I'm Nita and this is Kit," Nita answered, pointing to her right.

"Who's Kit?" Daine asked, somewhat confused. Nita looked to both her sides; he wasn't there! Looking down at the surf, she sighed. Once again, Kit had yielded to his passion for swimming. He was apparently trying to bodysurf. "So... what is a wild mage anyway?"

"It's a little hard to explain, but I can turn into animals, talk to them, heal them, and my presence seems to make them more sentient."

"Wow. Kit and I can talk to animals, and we've turned into whales, but your magic seems more specialized."

Meanwhile, Harry and Ron were discussing Crookshank's presence with Hermione.

"Why. Is. That. Cat. Here!" Ron was asking furiously. "I thought this was a chance to get away from that menace... uh, I mean..." he broke off at the scathing look Hermione was giving him.

"Well, I couldn't just leave him there you know!" she argued indignantly, "So I put him in my bag!"

"Would you two just stop fighting for once!" Harry protested, glaring at them. Ron and Hermione just scowled at each other. Suddenly, screams sounded from down the beach...

"Great, what now!" Nita shouted turning towards the commotion. For a second she was struck dumb by what she saw, "Come on Kit, I think we have more work to do."

**A.N: Ha! I love cliffies... I'll try to update quicker than normal. Really, I will! **


	8. The End

**A.N: Haha, I lied… sorry. No one die from shock; I've finally updated. School has kept me insanely busy, so fanfiction has been very low on my list of priorities. It's very sad, isn't it? I apologize for the somewhat less than high quality chapters before this… Anyways, on we go; this will be the final chapter.**

The entire beach had fallen completely silent. Everyone's attention was fixed on the drama unfolding atop a sand dune, in direct violation of the STAY OFF THE SAND DUNE sign. The thin speedo-clad man from earlier in the story appeared to be attempting to hit a tall column of darkness with a yellow surfboard.

Nita stared at the man incredulously. "Can't he use magic?" she whispered to Kit.

"I think he swallowed too much salt water," Kit whispered back in awe. "Taking on the Lone Power with a surfboard…"

Voldemort did indeed look rather mad. He continued his assault, screaming about how the mean column had kicked sand in his face, stolen his girlfriend, and eaten all of his cabbage.

"He… he has a girlfriend?" Ron asked Harry doubtfully. "I just really can't see You-Know-Who snogging someone." He froze in realization of what he had just said and proceeded to curl up and twitch in the sand.

"Wait a minute… Where's Hermione?" Harry asked, looking around wildly. I haven't seen her for at least an hour!"

Suddenly, a jet of red light flew from the Lone Power, hitting Voldemort.

"A stunning spell?" Harry asked Nita, "Can he do that?"

Before she could respond, a figure covered in shawls, blankets, sunglasses, and 100 spf sunscreen emerged from the column.

"Ah… Hermione?" Nita asked hesitantly, "Do you know who that is?"

"What do you mean, who?" she responded, confused. "It's my Balboro and Nelson Sun Protection Column."

Kit tiptoed up to the disputed column and poked it. "Well, this would explain why it didn't respond to being pummeled with a surfboard…"

No one noticed Wormtail reviving Voldemort from Hermione's stunning spell. He jumped up and bolted towards the breakers laughing maniacally. "You'll never catch me now! The great Lord Volmedort, eh… Voldemort is always triumphant! AHAHAHAHA!" Everyone on the beach watched in amusement as he plunged into the waves and was promptly consumed by a giant white shark.

"Thanks Ed!" Nita called after the shark as he disappeared back under the water.

"Well students, I think it's about time we returned to Hogwarts." Dumbledore announced, standing up and brushing sand off his swim trunks. There was a general murmur of assent to his proclamation as the students gathered around the port keys, shooting nervous glances towards where Ed had vanished.

After watching all the Hogwarts students disappear, Kit turned to Nita. "How about… we _don't_ go swimming?"

"I'm with you on that," she replied nervously. "Ed's alright, but I'm not taking any more chances with him."

"Let's go home." Kit said sleepily, "And next time we go on a vacation, can we go to the mountains?"

Nita suffered a brief vision of the two of them rock climbing and shuddered. "Come on, let's get this transport over with."

Twenty minutes later they appeared with a soft _bang_ of air in Tom and Carl's kitchen.

"Ah! You're back! Now, about that new assignment…"

Meanwhile, Hermione's abandoned black column shifted and let loose a deep, evil laugh…

**A.N: I'm really sorry this took so long to finally finish… But I hope you enjoy it and forgive me for leaving it on a cliffie for a year. **


End file.
